Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Well-Heeled


Italians - they do the whole "shoe" thing quite nicely, and take it quite seriously, so I bought two pairs of high-heels and am breaking them in so that I will not be laughed out of house and Rome, come late September. Lo! What a difference heels make in how people perceive you. Not only are you suddenly two inches taller, but you also gain poise, instant elegance, and age - at least, in the eyes of men. It's quite flattering when men stop to stare and you know you're dressed in a totally, rockingly modest way with shoes. Italians - you have got something good going on there. Don't stop. I love it. Kiss kiss.



Yesterday, a professor-friend was reading aloud from a Catholic medieval penitentiary book to some student-friends. It was hilarious - though many forbidden acts requiring penance involved vomit, animals, and R-rated material (tsk tsk). But I would just like to share a few things from it:

Mothers: if, for the sake of curing a fever, you put your daughter in the oven OR on a roof, you shall do penance for 7 years! ... .. .

Cooks: according to the book, if a weasel falls in liquid and drowns then you are to throw the liquid out - and if you feed that liquid to others, three fasts are laid upon you! If, on the other hand, the weasel is still alive, you take the weasel for food and sprinkle the liquid with holy water and use it if you need to.

This seemed to be the general rule: animal falls in your food? Check! Is it alive? Yes. Eat it. And sprinkle the food/liquid it was in with holy water. (Did they have holy water dispensers akin to salt and pepper shakers, I wonder?). Is it dead? Yes. Throw everything away. Don't feed anything to anyone. 'cause that's just...ew.

Would-be-thieves: know that if you, by stealth, steal a monk (?!??!), you shall do penance for 7 years. (And if you steal them in public?)

You can read more fun tidbits here.

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